I almost let my life past me by. I was in a rut. Go to work, come home, eat, watch TV, and go to bed. Wake up and go to work again to the same boring job. I worked as an administrative assistant in several fields through out my life in adverting, marketing, sales, you name I did it. I had all this experience, but could never put it to use since I didn’t have a degree. So days went by. I was getting more depressed. I found out I had a chronic deadly disease and bipolar. This didn’t make me feel any better so I just pretended I didn’t have it, and that wasn’t a good idea.
I had great opportunities when I was in my twenty’s. I modeled, run way modeling, movies, commercials, etc., but I couldn’t really pursue any of it. I had to raise my son on my own and two, I had to work full time in order to raise us. We lived in low income housing for a long time. I then got ill and was in the hospital on and off for a year, and almost lost my life. Unfortunately, I had to make the decision to let my son go live with his father, because I was too sick to take care of him. I felt so bad like I was a bad mom, but I knew it was for the best. When he was in high school, I went to his entire track and basketball activities, watched him graduate. Then, one day he told me he was going into the army. I was so sad I didn’t want to let him go! He was my only child. What if something happened to him? I would just die.
My son was in the army for 6 long years. It was a miserable six years doing nothing but worrying about it and having terrible nightmares. During that time I was just working and letting the days go by. Nothing exciting in my life. I couldn’t even have a relationship. My son finally came home, but then he left again with a fantastic job on the east coast. I felt so lonely. It’s like I never got to watch him grow up. Never met his girl friends, and never experiencing what most moms’ have with their children.
I was now in my fifty’s and the days were going by faster. I was very unhappy and didn’t feel like I had anything to make my son proud or leave behind. Then I decided I was going to make my dreams come true. I wanted to pursue my photography, make jewelry and have a business that I could call my own. I want to have a little store one day and let my son share it with me. I want to move to the east coast to be with my family. All these things were just turning in my head. But how could I do these things? I had to make a living to pay for my rent, my car and all of my bills. How? Then, something snapped in my head, or was it that little voice in my head.
The day I found out I was going to have a grand baby was the happiest day in my life except for the day my own son was born. But now, I had a family I can call my own. I went to visit them over Christmas and that was the best feeling in my life. I want more of it. I’ve been missing out on so much in my life. Last year, I got let go at this company and said that’s it. Now’s the time. This little voice in my head, which I now believe is my God, telling me it was time. He’s been grooming me all this time to finally take control of my own life and do the things that he brought me in this world to do. I have something to give and that’s giving love and creativity, and showing the world that I can be anybody I want to be. I always told my son that he could be anything he wanted to be he just had to work at it. I should have listened to myself a long time ago. I’m listening now.
So here I sit happy as a lark. I’m making my jewelry, using my photography skills, writing, going to estate sales and flea markets. The things I love I truly love to do that makes me feel so fulfilled. I may not be rich, but I’m getting educated on things that I would never of had if I continued on the same career path. I have the time to get to be – ME. I love being independent with free will to say what I want, to make what I want, and do what I want. I’m free. I still suffer from bipolar and probably always will but I’m working on it. It takes a long of strength to get by each day, and I have to work harder than some people do, but I now know what I want. I love what I’m doing and I will never give it up, because I now know what I’m doing with my life. One day, I will finally be with my family and life will be so good. How about you?
Now, 57, and after all these years I have been living in a dark place with Bipolar, ADD, Alcoholism, addicted to cigarettes, and much more. I have finally stopped. Yes, I have stopped smoking and drinking. I have also taken control of my bipolar by meditation and quietness. There’s a lot more that has helped me with this, but the one thing I do have to say is that I received a gift from God. We all have thoughts, but we never listen to him. I started listening and good things started happening. I had been tested all my life and have failed many times. Then something happen, I didn’t fail. I have been praying and trying so hard to change my darkness to light. I have finally done it.
jewells08
