I moved into my family’s house about 5 months ago when my life changed in a split second.  You never know what life will hand you so I now never take it for granted.  I was trolling for many years by abusing alcohol and cigarettes and just sitting and being alone in my apartment.  Staying away from people, because I didn’t want them to look at me or say anything I might not like.  I would just get my bottles of wine and sit on the corner of my couch with my glass of wine.  First, I would cover my couch with the insight that when I smoked it would not stink it up.   Alcohol can really screw your mine up with some wild imaginations.

That one moment that changed was when my dad almost lost his life. He ended up in the hospital in a comatose condition. We were with him all day and night and I immediately went home to get a bottle of wine.  But while drinking it I thought how selfish I was.  My dad was in a hospital and he may die.  I put that glass up and went to bed so I could get up early to go see dad.

My dad didn’t even know I was there.  For a week I bathed him, changed his diapers, and fed him.  I forgot about my problems they were not as important as my dads at that time.  I went home that day and did not drink.  Instead , I packed and when to stay with my mom who needed me.

Since that time my life has completely changed.  I have moved in and now take care of them.  The changing factor.  My mom looks like a replicate of me.  At 3pm she pours herself a glass of wine – with ice and water, she says.  I ask her why do you drink. “Because I’m 82 years old and it helps me go to sleep.  She actually told me to leave her alone and she will do what she wants.  The difference between she and I – After the 3 small drinks, she does go to bed around 7pm.  Lately, I tried drinking some of her wine. It doesn’t appeal to me any more and after one small glass, I fall asleep.   I have not had a cigarette to this day.

Life can change when you are not expecting it.  Just do not fear it.  Take it as it comes.  I do not miss those days sitting on my couch drowning myself in wine and  putting that stupid blanket on my  couch.  Now my life is a little more pleasant.  But my life still has changed.

I have bipolar.  I now know that bipolar was was of the biggest causes of my drinking.  If you would like read about it you can go the Journaling for Therapy, which should be linked here.