I have been doing really good with my bipolar. I don’t get stressed or worried. Calm and serene. Lately that has been tarnished. I had to move in with my parents – no money, plus to take care of them. I left my other part time job and moved on to another. The other job was totally no stress no micromanagement or any one dictating to me all the time. I work on my eBay business, but that’s mine and I love doing it.
I needed money to pay bills so I took a job as marketing and sales manager working about 3 days a week. That shouldn’t be bad, right? Wrong, I’m stressed. Today, my mine totally blocked out everything I knew. I couldn’t remember how to do something on this program I just learned. I mean no memory. I could feel my body tensing up and wanting to run out the door. I don’t like this man, the owner. He listens to everything and doesn’t really think I can do anything. That makes me crazy and I believe I can. I just want to quit. I get anxiety every time I think about the job or doing work for them. They want me to make sales calls 100 calls in three days! I can’t do it!
I don’t want to do any thing that triggers my manic depression. This does. When I come home I want to drink. I’m trying very hard not to go there. I haven’t smoked in 5 months and I wanted a cigarette. I guess stress my trigger.
Lately, I’ve been experience constant pain in all my joints, legs, arms, back, all over. One day my left leg swelled up and I couldn’t walk on it or bend it. PAIN! That’s all I’ve been having is pain. I don’t know what it is. I finally made a doctor appointment even though I don’t have the money, but I’m tired of being in pain. I don’t want to become a pain pill junkie!
Before I took the job I was fine with the exception of just a couple of episodes. But all in all I’ve been cool. I’ve enjoyed my business by going to estate sales, antique malls, vintage sales, writing, and my photography.
What do I do? Quit? What would I do without money? What’s wrong with my body?!?
