When is Help Going to Appear-Alcoholism

I have been trying really hard to stop drinking but it’s tough.  I enjoy smoking and the only way I will smoke is to drink.  Weird isn’t it?  I mean if I could stop one of the other I wouldn’t do neither of them.  So I’m stuck.   This bipolar is a controlling mechanism.   There’s all these committees going off in my mind telling what I should do.  I need to learn to control them myself.  Be strong.

The reason I went to this hospital to get involved in the bipolar study was to get help.  I do everything for a reason and this time it’s for getting help on bipolar and my drinking.  This drug is suppose to stop the cravings of my wine. But the problem is I’m not really craving it. I just want to sit and relax and have a smoke and glass of wine in the evening.   I don’t feel the pill is working if I’m still drinking.  Maybe, I’m not taking the study drug – maybe I’m taking a sugar pill instead.

If this is the real drug I’m taking and it’s not working what am I going to do?  I guess it’ll be up to me again as always.   Always in my own little world with no one to talk about this.  I don’t want to burden anyone else with my issues.  That why I’m writing because I feel that it helps.  Always hoping that there is someone else out there that is struggling and we can chat.  If your out there please enter in my world