I haven’t been writing because I’m dealing with another problem and have a lot of emotional baggage.  I can’t even come up with a design for my jewelry.  I’ve joined a bipolar group and have signed up to see if I can be accepted in a research trial on a new drug for bipolar.  I’ve been told I have dual Bipolar – manic and alcohol addict.  I didn’t know what the name was but it all fits.  Every time I felt anxious, sad, overwhelmed or any kind of emotion that I get with bipolar I want to drink to make it go away.  I’m on to something and I’m compulsively seeking help.  That’s what I do.  I will let you know how my appointment will go and if I get accepted into the research.  I will get free therapy, blood tests, drugs, and even paid for it.  Sounds good to me.

When I was in rehab they didn’t discuss too much about the bipolar, but about the drinking.  I still think if they had treated the depression and bipolar, I might not be drinking.  That’s what this new drug does it stops the craving of alcohol so you can calm down.  I hope I get it.  If this works it’s been a long time coming.  I’m mad that I spent all that time in rehab and no one treated the bipolar.  Only with all kinds of medications.  People that came to see me couldn’t believe what they saw. I was a zombie.  I was in my own little world there and just wanted to be left alone.

I’ll be back with more.